Thought about this. Thought this through. Wish I could stop these thoughts in my head, but since I cannot, I need to write it through. I just wish it would stop bugging me already!

It was just the hormones. Yes, what else can be troubling our dear Jasmine other than stuffs going on with the opposite gender. Ahuh. It was JUST THE HORMONES ACTING UP.

I know dear hua told me to stop being delusional and stop my illusions. My brain is TELLING me that too. But somewhat my endocrine is not very obedient. Sighs. So with hope to tame it and to rationalise everything, I pen this down.

Yes, you appeared. Three times. It was as if you were hovering over me or something... I understand I tend to exaggerate certain things sometimes or am over-sensitive to certain people or things I take particular notice of, but, it really really felt this way and I have learnt to (or am learning to anyway to) curb this over-reactivity okay? So, let me believe I have matured for once or even for a bit. Okay, first time, came out to watch performance, and then I was standing there and somewhat you kept walking over...Like some pacing to and fro towards me? Okay, rationalisation: you were nervous, gna _____ later and does pacing like hua to calm self down, and you happened to choose this path to walk since your whole clique of guys were there too. :)

Oh and can I mention how you just sat in my direct path of vision? And we were facing each other? Albeit distanced by a whole "square fountain area".

Second time, post performance, was doing my duty playing a stranger on our TRM gameshow: Identity. You entered, then like normally took a glance to soak in the sights of the entire room. Then you stayed at the other side of the room with half the partition there, watching the video I think. Then you soon left, if I did not remember the sequence wrongly, being pulled out by your friend, pulled out past where I was. Okay, so I thought end of you man, whew. I continued playing my part as the stranger and was guessed. yay. =) I could leave the stage and went to stand beside our board-holder. That was by the half partition of the room. Was watching the show being continued, when suddenly why feel like got someone beside/behind me by the partition, to my horrors it was you. No, you weren't looking at me, just so happened to be standing there right, I know. Rationalisation: you were watching the video! Clearly! And with your whole group of friends. It just very very so happened you were standing at that exact location. And so happened my identity was guessed. =) So that is what happened. =) Probably not your idea to stand near me either. =))) Oh, may I mention when you looked over to the game show (which is to my side), though we supposedly know each other, we failed to communicate? I mean it's fine, I was the one not waving at you or acknowledging I know you since that time. But there's this discomfort I get. I get so uncomfortable just standing near you. Shivers*

oh and at first I was thinking if I should mention this to hua at all. Because after all, normally I refuse to mention these stuffs for fear of jinxing what could have been good. But because I REALLY REALLY wanted to jinx it, I decided to tell hua. But she thought I was fantasizing something between us. No, there is no "US". I'm sorry, "we" just won't work, I just know it in my BONES.

Third time's the charm. I was just irked by the first two times and feeling annoyed that the first two times even happened. Okay, so I had just finished explaining our course and answering queries from guests. Needed a break and the toilet and so ran in alone since I couldn't find anyone else to go with me. Then when I came out, I saw the action; the inline skate club was gna do stunt...Saw ______ and ________ and went over to disturb for a while. =) hahas, stood beside them and watched the show...The stunt failed however the first time and did not go so well even with other skaters...guess they just aren't too good with this huh? Anyways, yeah, then I was just observing as I always am with the crowd, and guess what, no surprise you were there again. Nothing but air between us, you just slightly behind beside me, watching the show. DAMN IT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Disgusted, I decided to leave and re-enter room. OMG, totally cannot believe what is wrong with this twisted twisted kind of fate???! Rationalisation: very very normal for such things to happen right? I mean after all, this is Open House, we can be near a lot of people. Since we are all working on this together, it is just NORMAL! =D Absolutely, I was just thinking too much...I mean clearly right? Or maybe it's my subconscious; it naturally just steers me towards you! AHAHA! Without me even noticing it! So when I find out, I don't even know what happened! THAT must be it. It must be right.

RIGHT NOW, I am so tortured by this shit. Thanks to the fact that I decided to let myself get bogged down by this. But hey I have rationalised everything right? I mean, it's just normal for all these to happen! It's OPEN HOUSE after all. =D There weren't that many people around me constantly except those who worked with me...Okay, never mind! It was like for about 6-8 hours?? That was very normal to meet the same person thrice in a day. Yes, yes, so near somemore, no where else to go what, of course can see larh. Even though it wasn't so simple as seeing..WHICH I WISHED IT WAS! WHY COULDN'T IT JUST BE SEEING??! Thing is, you probably saw me too.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I just want to die. Because you are not correct for me. I can just feel my heart fighting within and struggling to let the emotions hormones flow. It's like it's like one part wants to just go ga-ga. The other is more rational and less impulsive :) helping me to stop. :)

Reasons for your incorrectness:
1. I srsly hate that ______...
2. I srsly cannot stand you overall. Your character is just not what I'd want in a boyfriend. Yeaps.
3. Okay fine I don't know you pretty much: OOH! I realised this is just all physical attraction! YA? YA? YA?

Okay, feeling a bit more at ease. Physical attraction is so much easier to overcome. =D WOOSH! YAY.

So why does a part of me feel crestfallen? (or maybe I am making up this emotion? Or maybe I'm just committing a writer's hazard, trying to paint too good a picture of an essay because of the drama involved? Or maybe this is what emotion I SHOULD BE feeling coz that's how the movies always make it right? hahas.)

Because I am trying to avoid this thing from happening, because you are like the plague, you spell only disaster come my way. GG quote: this is self-preservation. I'm sorry Chuck.

s l e p t i t o f f =DD
n i g h t s

Thought about this. Thought this through. Wish I could stop these thoughts in my head, but since I cannot, I need to write it through. I just wish it would stop bugging me already!

It was just the hormones. Yes, what else can be troubling our dear Jasmine other than stuffs going on with the opposite gender. Ahuh. It was JUST THE HORMONES ACTING UP.

I know dear hua told me to stop being delusional and stop my illusions. My brain is TELLING me that too. But somewhat my endocrine is not very obedient. Sighs. So with hope to tame it and to rationalise everything, I pen this down.

Yes, you appeared. Three times. It was as if you were hovering over me or something... I understand I tend to exaggerate certain things sometimes or am over-sensitive to certain people or things I take particular notice of, but, it really really felt this way and I have learnt to (or am learning to anyway to) curb this over-reactivity okay? So, let me believe I have matured for once or even for a bit. Okay, first time, came out to watch performance, and then I was standing there and somewhat you kept walking over...Like some pacing to and fro towards me? Okay, rationalisation: you were nervous, gna _____ later and does pacing like hua to calm self down, and you happened to choose this path to walk since your whole clique of guys were there too. :)

Oh and can I mention how you just sat in my direct path of vision? And we were facing each other? Albeit distanced by a whole "square fountain area".

Second time, post performance, was doing my duty playing a stranger on our TRM gameshow: Identity. You entered, then like normally took a glance to soak in the sights of the entire room. Then you stayed at the other side of the room with half the partition there, watching the video I think. Then you soon left, if I did not remember the sequence wrongly, being pulled out by your friend, pulled out past where I was. Okay, so I thought end of you man, whew. I continued playing my part as the stranger and was guessed. yay. =) I could leave the stage and went to stand beside our board-holder. That was by the half partition of the room. Was watching the show being continued, when suddenly why feel like got someone beside/behind me by the partition, to my horrors it was you. No, you weren't looking at me, just so happened to be standing there right, I know. Rationalisation: you were watching the video! Clearly! And with your whole group of friends. It just very very so happened you were standing at that exact location. And so happened my identity was guessed. =) So that is what happened. =) Probably not your idea to stand near me either. =))) Oh, may I mention when you looked over to the game show (which is to my side), though we supposedly know each other, we failed to communicate? I mean it's fine, I was the one not waving at you or acknowledging I know you since that time. But there's this discomfort I get. I get so uncomfortable just standing near you. Shivers*

oh and at first I was thinking if I should mention this to hua at all. Because after all, normally I refuse to mention these stuffs for fear of jinxing what could have been good. But because I REALLY REALLY wanted to jinx it, I decided to tell hua. But she thought I was fantasizing something between us. No, there is no "US". I'm sorry, "we" just won't work, I just know it in my BONES.

Third time's the charm. I was just irked by the first two times and feeling annoyed that the first two times even happened. Okay, so I had just finished explaining our course and answering queries from guests. Needed a break and the toilet and so ran in alone since I couldn't find anyone else to go with me. Then when I came out, I saw the action; the inline skate club was gna do stunt...Saw ______ and ________ and went over to disturb for a while. =) hahas, stood beside them and watched the show...The stunt failed however the first time and did not go so well even with other skaters...guess they just aren't too good with this huh? Anyways, yeah, then I was just observing as I always am with the crowd, and guess what, no surprise you were there again. Nothing but air between us, you just slightly behind beside me, watching the show. DAMN IT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Disgusted, I decided to leave and re-enter room. OMG, totally cannot believe what is wrong with this twisted twisted kind of fate???! Rationalisation: very very normal for such things to happen right? I mean after all, this is Open House, we can be near a lot of people. Since we are all working on this together, it is just NORMAL! =D Absolutely, I was just thinking too much...I mean clearly right? Or maybe it's my subconscious; it naturally just steers me towards you! AHAHA! Without me even noticing it! So when I find out, I don't even know what happened! THAT must be it. It must be right.

RIGHT NOW, I am so tortured by this shit. Thanks to the fact that I decided to let myself get bogged down by this. But hey I have rationalised everything right? I mean, it's just normal for all these to happen! It's OPEN HOUSE after all. =D There weren't that many people around me constantly except those who worked with me...Okay, never mind! It was like for about 6-8 hours?? That was very normal to meet the same person thrice in a day. Yes, yes, so near somemore, no where else to go what, of course can see larh. Even though it wasn't so simple as seeing..WHICH I WISHED IT WAS! WHY COULDN'T IT JUST BE SEEING??! Thing is, you probably saw me too.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I just want to die. Because you are not correct for me. I can just feel my heart fighting within and struggling to let the emotions hormones flow. It's like it's like one part wants to just go ga-ga. The other is more rational and less impulsive :) helping me to stop. :)

Reasons for your incorrectness:
1. I srsly hate that ______...
2. I srsly cannot stand you overall. Your character is just not what I'd want in a boyfriend. Yeaps.
3. Okay fine I don't know you pretty much: OOH! I realised this is just all physical attraction! YA? YA? YA?

Okay, feeling a bit more at ease. Physical attraction is so much easier to overcome. =D WOOSH! YAY.

So why does a part of me feel crestfallen? (or maybe I am making up this emotion? Or maybe I'm just committing a writer's hazard, trying to paint too good a picture of an essay because of the drama involved? Or maybe this is what emotion I SHOULD BE feeling coz that's how the movies always make it right? hahas.)

Because I am trying to avoid this thing from happening, because you are like the plague, you spell only disaster come my way. GG quote: this is self-preservation. I'm sorry Chuck.

s l e p t i t o f f =DD
n i g h t s